Radio Report: Jumpin’ Off The Bridge
OK, in the dedicated pursuit of Nippertown music journalism, we decided to tune in and check out the first broadcast day of the Capital Region’s “brand new” radio station, the Bridge at 100.9-FM.
It was about 2:30pm today when we tuned in, and what was the first tune we heard?
Rod Stewart‘s “Hot Legs,” the quintessential example of a great talent gone oh-so-terribly-irreconcilably wrong, wrong, wrong. (See also, Rod Stewart’s “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy” and just about anything from his “Great American Songbook” album series).
That was followed by “Thriller,” and as Vincent Price intoned, suddenly we felt as though we were trapped beneath “the funk of 40 thousand years.”
The playlist for the next hour went something like this:
Bon Jovi/Sugarland‘s “Who Says You Can’t Go Home?”
Depeche Mode‘s “People Are People”
Aerosmith‘s – ah, whatever – who cares? – had to go pour myself a glass of wine
Bryan Adams‘ “Straight From the Heart”
Louis Armstrong‘s “What a Wonderful World”
Eric Clapton‘s “Tears in Heaven”
ZZ Top‘s “Legs”
Olivia Newton-John Travolta‘s “You’re the One That I Want”
Cameo‘s “Word Up”
Nickelback‘s “If Today Was Your Last Day”
Kenny Loggins‘ “Footloose”
ABBA‘s “Dancing Queen”
Collective Soul‘s “Shine”
REO Speedwagon‘s “Keep On Lovin’ You”
If the playlist doesn’t really explain to you clearly enough what the station’s all about, perhaps these snappy, little catch-phrases will – you know, the ones that The Bridge incessantly pumped out between songs:
“It’s all about the variety.”
“Cross on over.”
“It’s all about the variety. Everybody’s crossing over.”
“If you’re looking for any hidden meaning here, forget it. It’s just all about the variety.”
“To get more variety, you’d have to own a CD store.” (A CD store? Wow, this is a retro station, isn’t it?)
“Other stations build fences for their music. We build bridges. That way they can mingle.”
“Just a dog & pony sort of a show.” (OK, we have no idea WTF this means…)
and our favorite:
“We’ll keep playing the variety. You just keep doing what you’re doing. If you finish first, just tiptoe out quietly.”
OK, we’re going quietly…
and the beat goes on.
I only wish that I’d known earlier that The Bridge was going on the air today. I would have listened to their first hour, which I’m sure included the Peppers’ “Under the Bridge,” S&G’s “Bridge Over Troubled Water,” Trower’s “Bridge of Sighs” and the theme from “Sea Hunt”…
I thought they’d at least play Billy Joel and Ray Charles’ duet “Baby Grand” from the 1986 album The Bridge. But they won’t, because it’s programmed by computers and probably completely automated. Did you hear any humans on there besides the pre-recorded liners? I haven’t listened yet but I doubt it. It’s sounds sort of like “Jack” and some of the other lame new formats that have been popping up around the country for years.
Side note: What a horribly random format. At least Magic had an identity and a shred of personality. Who will listen to this?
If they just played bridges (i.e. the musical passages linking two sections of a composition), that would be pretty original. Then I’d listen.
Geez, you shot down all the songs by Rod that I like…
It’s kind of heartening to know my former employer still can’t get out of its own way. Magic 100.9 actually filled a niche, did it well, and was staffed by people who didn’t let “being a radio star” get in the way of the music. I guess they were making money, but they weren’t making “enough” money. Same as it ever was, same as it ever was…